The Football Oscars !!

After the Oscars on Sunday, I just kept thinking how it would be if footballers were given Oscars.
[This whole post is an excerpt of Pires Morgan's article in the Dailymail]

Best Picture :
No contest here. Pepe Reina’s dumbstruck face as Darren Bent’s shot ballooned, quite literally off a balloon, into the net at Sunderland was hysterical. Only matched by rumours that Manchester City promptly put in a bid of £40 million for the balloon.

BEST ACTOR : John Terry - For his brilliant performance in the movie " Bridging the gap "

BEST ACTRESS I don’t condone violence, obviously. But that infamous YouTube footage of New Mexico female soccer star Elizabeth Lambert punching, tripping and pulling the hair of her opponents was quite the sexiest thing in world sport all year.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS John Terry flew to Dubai to his betrayed wife Toni’s side, with the world expecting him to receive his marching orders. Instead, Mrs Terry sported a T-shirt saying ‘I love the chaos’ and forgave him in the 20 seconds it took for Terry to hand her his credit card to go ‘comfort shopping’ all afternoon. 

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE Emmanuel Adebayor sprinting 80 yards to taunt Arsenal fans after scoring for Manchester City, screaming his head off and beating his chest. He never showed either that speed or passion when he was with us.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE John Terry with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend. To outrage even your own greedy, amoral, sex-crazed, selfish Premier League colleagues is really impressive. Well done, JT, you Inglourious B*****d.

BEST FILM EDITING Ashley Cole, for those delightful underpants photos that he sent on his phone to any Page 3 bint who asked for them, while assuming they’d never show anyone. Duh!

BEST COSTUME DESIGN El Hadji Diouf — anytime, anywhere, he is 100 per cent certain to look ridiculous.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM I’ve no idea what Carlos Tevez was saying after he scored for City against United this season because I don’t speak Spanish. But I bet it wasn’t ‘I dedicate this to my mentor and father figure, the great Sir Alex.’

BEST DIRECTOR Sir Alex Ferguson’s response to the new ‘Show respect to referees’ guidelines was to claim, falsely, that referee Alan Wiley was too ‘unfit’ to officiate in a game. Like those other tyrannical directing greats, Tarantino, Coppola, Winner, Fergie will never change and I’m not sure I want him to.